Happy Dogs, Unhappy Husbands and Old Boyfriends

Dear Miss Kitty,

I am embarrassed to say so, but I am pretty sure my wife prefers our dog to me.  She spends more time with him, says nicer things to him and pets and cuddles him a lot more than she does me.  I don’t know if I really need an answer or just want to vent.

Carl, SANTA BARBARA

Dear Carl,

From her point of view perhaps the dog is an easier companion right now.  He eats whatever she gives him.  He takes her on nice walks.  He is happy and content with a “good boy” and a pat on the head.  Being a dog, he is very consistent in his behavior and doesn’t ask for much.  Perhaps this is a reminder that simple is good.  I suggest you offer to go on a walk with her, eat whatever she makes and lick her face when you are happy.  I think she will get it the hint and it’s not as though you are sleeping outside.  Yet.

Dear Miss Kitty,

I’m a 27yr old male. I’ve got a girl friend whom I care about but she doesn’t see anything wrong with talking about her ex’s every now and then. She still has an ex she is almost best friends with and she sees him every now and then and she sees it as being childish when I say I’m upset about the kind of relationship she keeps with him.

Phil

Dear Phil,

There is a very small part of the population that not only retains the ex files but keeps them well past the expiration date and integrates them into the current relationship.  Think of making something new out of leftovers and you get the idea.  These folks have no trouble merging the past into the present and because they have mastered the art of recreating something into something else don’t seem to understand why anyone else should have a problem with it.

A bigger segment of the population doesn’t like a reminder that there was some else, but can take the odd picture here and there (usually for comparison purposes) and maybe even a stroll down memory lane as long as it is a stroll and not a 10 mile trek on a regular basis.  Then there are the ones that say, “What ex?”  The only good ex is their opinion is the one that no longer exists, either in spirit or in actuality.   There are no pictures, mementos or visitation rights.  (I think this percentage is possibly even higher but so politically incorrect it is hard to get factual data).

When people break up even if it is amicable, they usually have grown in very different directions.   They have found they have divergent values, needs and goals and are no longer compatible as a couple.  Does this preclude that there isn’t a common ground on which to be friends?  It depends on what was the primary focus for the relationship was the first place.  If you go back to the beginning of any relationship it will tell you if a friendship after the loving is even possible.   If something starts off as a friendship without a sexual component, there is a higher likely hood that a friendship could be maintained when the romance fizzles out since there was something pretty solid in the first place.  That kind of friendship easily and pretty comfortably can ride side saddle along with the new one.  (Don’t worry about the Harry and Sally thing since that was a movie and doesn’t really happen).

Darling Phil, Boys and Girls, If someone can’t leave the old BF and GF’s alone, that someone is likely to  make a roast chicken into soup and then chicken salad and then cat food.  As the proverbial Jewish mother would say, “Leave the chicken alone already and eat the meatloaf.” Hopefully your relationship is at a place where the GF can respect what you need to feel comfortable in the right now.  But behind that instant feel better choice; see if there is something behind “door number 1” that is more about your past than hers.  Remember every relationship challenge is an opportunity to better the self and that might be the very best reason to be in one.